Feeling Fat

I feel really fat today. I mean I feel like my own fucking mini planet. Like Pluto. But cuter. I think it's because I haven't been able to get out of the house today (It's freezing) and other than yoga I haven't been really able to do anything active. I also feel really depressed today, like I'm in a fog. It just hasn't been a good day in like any way.

All I want to do today is lay down and cry. Which isn't all THAT unusual but today it's even worse. I mean, I've lived with depression since I was very young but lately it's just gotten worse. All I want to do is ball up in a corner and cry until I just wither way. It's not just emotionally painful either. It's also very physically painful.

*sigh* Loosing this weight is going to be the hardest thing I think I've ever done. I don't know if I have the strength.

Quicky

Everyone wants to be a better them. Think about it and I bet you can come up with a whole list of things you would like to change. Whether it's your height, your weight, or your hair color. And not all of it is physical. Sometimes you want to change your attitude, your anger, and so much more.

I want to loose some weight, be happier, stop being a bitch all the time, and feel better. Not to much right? But that really only scratches the surface. I don't want to be perfect, that's just ridiculous. I just want to be...better...

I don't know who's reading this...even if anyone is...but something I'm learning quickly on this journey is that every decision counts. And only you can change yourself.

 <3

Yoga And The Dieting Fad

On my mission to loose weight and feel better, I have decided to try yoga. I'm just starting with simple beginners yoga. I did it today and let me tell you, it was great. I love the Dancers Pose and I didn't even fall on my ass today while doing it.

Yoga can actually help you loose weight by improving your metabolism, relaxing your mind and body, strengthening your muscles and organs, reducing stress as well as improving your mental and your physical well-being. 

Doesn't that sound great? I think it does anyways. If you want to join my yoga journey, I use a site called Yoga For Beginners to teach me the poses and such. Just remember to breath and start with the Mountain Pose so you can stretch out your muscles and not well...cause problems for yourself. I don't want to hear about any of you ending up in the hospital because you didn't stretch!

Now on to the dieting fad. It seems like everyone's dieting today and there's always some new "diet" that's going to fix your body as quickly as possible. Atkins, South Beach, Jenny Craig, and so many more. What's worse is the diets that tell you to take this pill and that powder. It's bullshit. People have been loosing weight naturally for a thousand years...without pill or powders. Or surgery.

I think things like Gastric Bypass Surgery and such are fine for extreme cases but I think it should be used only as a drastic measure or last resort. People who don't try loosing weight naturally, shouldn't be aloud to undergo surgery. Because any surgery has risks and why risk your life when you might be able to do it naturally.

Now I want y'all to understand, I'm not doing this because I hate my body, I'm just doing it because I would prefer to be healthier. I still love myself (usually.) I mean who doesn't hate themselves on occasion?? Seriously!

My Journey Begins

I don't hate my body...I just don't like it.

Today is a very big day for me. Today I am going to start changing my life. I am on a mission. 365 days, 50 pounds. The last time I weighed myself was 2 days ago. I weighed 317 pounds. A month ago I weigh 310. That means in the last month I've gained 7 pounds. I am not okay with that.

Yesterday I saw a show on TLC called Half Ton Teen. Then I watched Half Ton Mom and Half Ton Dad. They were eye opening shows. One of the boys on Half Ton Teen was 800 pounds. At 19. I'm going to be 19 in a short 8 days. I don't ever want to be one of 'those' people. Don't get me wrong. I don't want to be a stick figure either. But I want to get down around the 200 lb mark. I already have a lot of physical problems. I don't want to be disabled.

This is my story. My journey. From 317lbs to 217lbs in 365 days. I hope I can do it. Every day I'll post about my progress and my story. Here's to getting the inner me to come out!

317 Pounds And Counting.